Hey - I found this at another site - just throught I would spread the cheer...
You Know You're Wasted When....
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
6. You sincerely believe alcohol is the elusive fifth food group.
7. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
8. Two hands and just one mouth -- now that's a drinking problem.
9. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
10. You fall off the floor.
11. Hey, five beers have just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
12. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
13. Every night you're beginning to find your neighbor's cat more and more attractive.
14. I'm not drunk, you're just sober!
15. Roseanne looks good.
16. You don't recognize your wife unless seen from the bottom of a glass.
17. That dayam pink elephant followed you home again.
18. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
19. You've fallen and can't get up.
20. The shrubbery's drunk too, from frequent watering.