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#1 Coyote

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Posted 09 March 2005 - 12:31 AM

( @Maddoktor2 ) A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first ( @Maddoktor2 ) doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 ( @Maddoktor2 ) years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?" ( @Maddoktor2 ) The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Go forth and conquer your goals with the renewed spirit of Coyote and do not let small setbacks stop you from Your Dreams

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May your day be blessed by those you love and those you love be blessed by HIM ;-)

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#2 Guest_sultan_emerr_*

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Posted 09 March 2005 - 03:33 AM

I don't get it.

#3 Coyote

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Posted 09 March 2005 - 06:05 AM

if you have to explain a joke, it isn't a joke anymore but here goes: An age old way to get rid of hiccups is to scare someone. Do you get it now or should I continue explaining?
Go forth and conquer your goals with the renewed spirit of Coyote and do not let small setbacks stop you from Your Dreams

Microsoft MVP 2006-2007


May your day be blessed by those you love and those you love be blessed by HIM ;-)

#4 ddeerrff

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Posted 09 March 2005 - 11:11 AM

The World According To Student Bloopers Richard Lederer St. Paul's School One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history", of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade throughout college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought his twelve sons up to be, patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob's sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites. Pharoah forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines. Without the Greeks we wouldn't have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in "The Iliad", by Homer. Homer also wrote "The Oddity", in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses encountered on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought with the Persians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men. Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them. Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense. In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer cf the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello's interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discovertes. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walther Raleigh is an historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper. The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted "hurrah". They her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespear. Shakespear never made much money, and is famous only because of his plays. He lived at Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies, and errors. In one of Shakespear's famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the king by attacking his manhood. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakespear was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote "Donkey Hote." The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote "Paradise Lost". Then his wife died and he wrote "Paradise Regained". During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were the Nina, the Pinta, and the Sante Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by the Indians, who came down the hill rolling on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels throught the post without stamps. During the war, the Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls. The dogs were barking and peacocks crowing. Finally, the Colonists won the war and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original thirteen states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. Me invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the united States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was president, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, in onion there is strength". Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex- Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torcher and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. It claimed it represented law and odor.
Derfram
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#5 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 15 March 2005 - 12:23 PM

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

#6 Guest_sultan_emerr_*

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Posted 18 March 2005 - 06:32 AM

if you have to explain a joke, it isn't a joke anymore but here goes:

An age old way to get rid of hiccups is to scare someone.

Do you get it now or should I continue explaining?

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Igot it! Thank you.

#7 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 20 March 2005 - 08:40 AM

Sultan, my friend. Hope this finds you well... You are still the "man of many links" in my life ;)

#8 Guest_sultan_emerr_*

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Posted 21 March 2005 - 06:07 AM

Sultan, my friend. Hope this finds you well... You are still the "man of many links" in my life  ;)

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:wavey:
Hello my friend. Well, you never know who is going to turn up where, do you?hehehe


I am sorry that you haven't been over at "you know where" much lately, but I can underatand why. I am doing well, thank you. It was nice meeting up with you again, and I wish you the best(Remember "Move to Alabama"? hehehe) :D

#9 Guest_Mariposa_*

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Posted 21 March 2005 - 09:54 PM

( @Maddoktor2 ) A woman went to the doctor's office and was seen by one of the new young doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room. The older doctor marched down the hallway to the back where the first

( @Maddoktor2 ) doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63

( @Maddoktor2 ) years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"



( @Maddoktor2 ) The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and, without looking up, said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"


I got a good laugh out of it. I am not that old but it sure would cure a case of the hiccups for me I am sure. :blink: Of course I would be greatful, but after getting over the initial shock and finding out that it was not true...that Doctor would be in need of some emergency medical attention of his own. :rofl:

#10 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 22 March 2005 - 07:09 AM

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

#11 Guest_Mariposa_*

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Posted 22 March 2005 - 08:25 PM

*grins* That was too cute.

#12 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 23 March 2005 - 08:12 AM

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

#13 Guest_Mariposa_*

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Posted 23 March 2005 - 05:55 PM

:rofl: I do remember those days.

#14 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 25 March 2005 - 10:19 AM

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

#15 Guest_Bozodog_*

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Posted 27 March 2005 - 07:29 AM

hey, I have a drug problem. It started at a young age. I was drug to church Sunday morning drug back Sunday night drug again mid week drug to school everyday and drug to the wood shed for a beating when I messed up to bad. Amazing how long those drugs stay in your system.

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